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HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: Show up naked. Bring beer.
What is a cat?
* Cats do what they want.
* They rarely listen to you.
* They are totally unpredictable.
* When you want to play, they want to be alone.
* When you want to be alone, they want to play.
* They expect you to cater to their every whim.
* They are moody.
* They leave hair everywhere.
* They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg.
Conclusion: They are tiny women in fur coats.
What is a dog?
* Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of
furniture in the house.
* They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but they
don't hear you when you are in the same room.
* They growl when they are not happy.
* When you want to play, they want to play.
* When you want to be alone, they want to play.
* They are great at begging.
* They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
* They leave their toys everywhere.
* They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give
you a kiss.
Conclusion: They are little men in fur coats
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A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand
her at all.
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage
and after marriage.
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