Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face
to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles
to extend your arm and smack the asshole across the head.
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry
to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was
wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The
man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says,
"I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married." "Why
not," giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Get your own
damn blanket."
Who wears the pants?
A young couple, just married were in their honeymoon suite on their
wedding night. As they were undressing for
bed, the husband who was a big burly man tossed his pants to his bride
and said, "Here, put these on." She put
them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't
wear your pants," she said. "That's right," said the
husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears
the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get
them on as far as he kneecaps. "Hell," he said. "I can't
get into your panties!" She replied, "That's right, and
that's the way its going to be until your damn attitude changes!!"
Anything you can do…
Victoria was a very pretty blonde who was also very intelligent, very
clever, very smartly dressed and sickeningly
very everything! If that was not bad enough, she let everyone know
about it too! All the kids disliked her (all right,
they hated her!). Her equally pretty, equally sickening Mother had
just had her second very profitable divorce and
was investigating the possibilities of all the most well endowed (in
all senses of the word) men in the locality.
At the start of term Victoria was boasting (as usual) to Terry on the
way to school. "I've got a new coat". "So
what, so's mine and I've got new shoes" he said. "Well my shoes AND
my jumper and my dress is brand new
too and I'm wearing them for the first time today", "So what, so's
my shirt and trousers AND my vest and pants
are new too, beat THAT". "Well my vest and knickers are new too, so
there". Miffed, Terry hit back by whipping
his trousers and pants down and said triumphantly "Well you haven’t
got one of THESE". Quick as a flash
Victoria took her knickers down and said "My Mummy says when I've got
one of THESE, I can have one of
THOSE any time I want".
OFFSPRING:
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments
and romances, best friends and
favourite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THE NAKED TRUTH:
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandfather sitting
on the porch, in the rocking chair,
with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa, what are you doing?"
he exclaimed. The old man looked off in
the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting
out here with nothing on below the waist?"
he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said,” Well, last
week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I
got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.
Wind In The Bahjis:
FACT: If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas
is produced to create the energy of an
atomic bomb. You will also have an ass the size of India.
Frown Rage:
Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face
to frown. BUT, it only takes 4 muscles
to extend your arm and smack the asshole across the head.
